Poems

Happy Christmas You Filthy Animals


Kate The Kamikaze Onion

Kate the kamikaze onion was such a lovely friend

Kate, Penny pea, Pete parsnip and Big Spud  got on so well, there was no need to pretend

Any time they found themselves in heaps and heaps of trouble

The rest would turn up quickety quick and save them at the double

But sometimes Kate’s arrival would be a bit too much

She’d break everything in sight and be an awful klutz

Like when Pete Parsnip’s kite got caught way up in a tree

And Kate came crashing in to help with a little bit too much glee

She thundered in and the next they knew Pete and Penny were in the river

With a splash and a splosh into freezing water, it really made them shiver!

And once Big Spud was peddling off on his brand new bike

He wasn’t doing very well as he usually rode a trike

As he careered down a hill he really lost control

And through a great big bramble bush he was about to roll

Kate bounded in to try and help and knocked Spud to the ground

But Spud cried out, ‘ Kate, there’s always an accident whenever you’re around.’

Kate was sad, she didn’t mean to upset anyone

Or make a mess of anything or ruin her friends fun

So Kate said,’I am going home, I don’t feel like deserting, but every time I try and help, it’s my friends I end up hurting!’

Meanwhile, as Kate was heading off, Penny Pea found herself cornered

By Reeky Russell and his band of brussel sprout marauders

Russell shouted, ‘ Little Pea, we’ve eaten all our greens and we’re all full of gas

If you don’t want the brunt of it, run off at a dash!’

Penny Pea was frightened and didn’t know what to do

And Russell and his gang mates, they let their squeakers go!

With a pump and a trump and a whoopee do, Pea was in a haze

Of horrible, stinky, smelly air that formed an impossible maze

Those farts just kept on coming and it was really getting whiffy

Pea couldn’t take much more of this as she was feeling very squiffy

Just then Kate picked up the scent of this terrible commotion

She quickly made a plan and put it into motion

With a blood curdling cry of ‘Kamikazee’ she hurtled down the lane

Heading straight for Russell and his mates as she knew they were to blame

Hurtling at a rate of knots Kate knocked all those sprouts flying

And as the smelly mist cleared she discovered Penny Pea crying

‘ Oh Kate, thank you so much for coming to my aid’

‘ I just didn’t know what to do in that horrible smell they made’

So Penny Pea, Pete Parsnip and Big Spud all threw a thankyou party

With cake, jelly and sausages and a great big bowl of smarties

And they all learnt the lesson that however unlikely it seems

That whatever your skills , one day they’ll come in handy and be the stuff of dreams

And after the cake they gave Kate a T shirt they had made

She proudly put it on and went out on parade

It looked just like one the wrestlers wear on WWE

‘ But look’, said Kate,’ It spells KKO, just for little old me!’


Kingfisher

The Kingfisher By Lee Salisbury

The sighting of a Kingfisher is truly a wonder to behold

It’s a fabulous story that simply must be told

He’s a speeding glimpse of electric blue

That will take your breath away from you

It maybe luck, it could be chance He’s just come back and he’s perched on a branch

Over the river he’s fishing I bet Chest flame orange like the warmest sunset

Beak long and thin, very narrow Sharper than any sword or arrow

A white stripe of marking at the side of his eyes

Then the most wondrous surprise Body and wings electric blue and iridescent green

There the brightest colours I’ve ever seen

Shimmering vibrant in the sun, bringing them alive He crouches , he’s focused,

I wonder will he dive

Whoooshh Down like a bullet a lightening flash

All without hardly a splash

He comes from the water a shake and a quiver

Then one last mesmerising display as he flys off down river

As he disappears round the bend and behind the reed

I say to myself, hungry mouth to feed

So my question to you is how can a little bird so small

Leave us in complete and utter awe That’s the power of the Kingfisher no other bird can compete

He makes your heart skip a beat

So a smile on my face for the rest of the day

The beauty of nature effects me that way

I gather myself, Mother Nature granted my wish But best of all he caught the fish 🐟